Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Now I Lay Me Down to Rest

No longer will I laugh at flu shots. Bring 'em on! I just spent 8 out of the last 12 days on the couch with a revolving docket of symptoms - fever, chills, cough, sore throat, cough, headache, cough, achy body...what a nightmare! Someone suggested it would be nice for me to have some down time so I could rest...read...whatever. Like I didn't already have that 24 hours a day.

Thing is, it was what I needed. I had a different sort of rest - I think God used my couch time as a sort of "rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength." (Psalm 23:2-3)

Those of you who know me know that I haven't worked for several months. If nothing else, I have time. Time to read and think and reflect and do projects and sort of just hang around. And I've done all of that. But this time on the couch...it was different. I didn't just read and reflect. I talked to God. I listened. I had questions to ask and tough answers to listen to and ultimately it led to peace.

Because in recent weeks I haven't felt much peace. We felt God lead us out of Kingman, AZ last summer and we wanted to come "home". Home meant Ohio, closer to family and friends. Home did not come with a job for myself or Wes; it meant moving to Ohio and settling in and not knowing the future. And recently I've begun to worry. There's the bank balance; the law practice Wes is starting veeerrrrryyyyy slowly. The no income and daily outgo and not finding a church home and wanting to connect. And questions - what if's. Coulda/woulda/shoulda -- nothing can change the past.

Last week in the midst of the coughing and sleeping and reading and talking to God I felt renewed. The past remains the same. The future is unclear. But there's peace. And faith...and trust. The God who could raise Jesus from the dead is the same God who cares about me. Maybe he put me on the couch, maybe it was just a bug....but He is the One who can handle my needs he has not forgotten that I'm out here---he hasn't and he couldn't. That's peace.

No comments: